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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28797078">the state of things</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_enby_arson/pseuds/the_enby_arson'>the_enby_arson</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>DreamSMP, Minecraft - Fandom, Ranboo - Fandom, mcyt, philza - Fandom</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Dadza</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 09:06:49</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,267</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28797078</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_enby_arson/pseuds/the_enby_arson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a Ranboo/Phil family dynamic in which Phil finds out how as poorly Ranboo is doing and gets very overprotective. Dadza vibes. </p><p>TW for Panic Attack, Hallucinations, Derealization, lil bit of Self Harm (sorta-) and Self hatred    :)<br/>-Enjoy!</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>88</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>the state of things</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ranboo- </p><p>cold. cold. cold. cold. </p><p>I hate the snow. Who thought this was a good idea? Just cold wet slushy stuff that covers the ground. It's disgusting. It doesn't help that my boots are almost broken and I can feel the wet numbness sinking into my feet. Thats going to be an issue when I get home.. </p><p>Home.. I guess you could call it a home I mean, it has a bed and some food. I am grateful that Mr. Minecraft asked me to come live with him and Techno, but I didn't want to bother, or worse burden them. I did stick around and made my shack fairly close though, I do like helping with Techno's ever growing onslaught of dogs. </p><p>Distracted by the cold, I barely comprehended opening the gate to my little hut. I say hello to Ranbun and dropped on my bed. I still had to sort all of the wood I had collected today, but for now I just wanted to sleep. I huffed and watched as my shaky breath crystallized into a cloud of shimmering white. </p><p>Phil- </p><p>I swear, these people will be the death of me. I was just trying to collect some materials from the crater when Tubbo and Tommy tried to sell me "bath water". Its safe to say I hurried home after that.. ridiculous encounter. I stepped into the warmth of the house and dropped the random supplies in a chest. I should really organize all of these chests..</p><p>Who knows what Techno has been doing. These past few days he has been out all day and back long after dark. We both know he can take care of himself, but I still worry. I dont want to lose him like I did Wilbur, Tommy, and frankly Tubbo. I know that I messed up a lot, and I know that I was never the best father. I just wish they were all happy and together again. </p><p>Ranboo has been.. well, quiet ever since I asked him to move in. At the very least he promised to stay close, and seems to really like helping with Techno's dogs and other chores. Im not quite sure where Ranboo has set up his house. I dont want to intrude and scare him away, but a little check in couldn't hurt.. He mentioned a cliffside..</p><p>🦀🦀🦀THE FOLLOWING SECTION CONTAINS THE NEED FOR THE TW, TAKE CAUTION🦀🦀🦀</p><p>Ranboo- </p><p>I awoke in a sweat, as usual. The sweat burned as it ran down my skin and reminded me how inhuman I am. I hate this. I hate this. We hate this. The stupid night terrors that I should have outgrown. The voice we cant get- I CANT GET TO SHUT UP. Everything is moving in slow motion and getting fuzzy. Is it blurry, or is it snowing? Am I shaking or is that just another hallucination? Is this real? Am I real? What if this is fake, what if? What If? WHAT IF? </p><p>stop. </p><p>Deep breaths. In 1 2, Out 1 2. Just like Eret said. You are real. We are rea- SHUT UP. There is no "In 1 2" when there are two voices counting, but one sounds like a threat. No. Not a threat, a promise. A promise of hurt and confusion. We are- I am shaking. They are yelling and screaming and fighting for control and I am shaking and I am scared and I am helpless. </p><p>The words are his words, but I am saying these words so are they mine? They are playing a sick game of charades in my brain, and the topic on the card is my sanity. I cant keep guessing if I am sane. Im not. Im NOT. WE ARE NOT. WE- we, can not. We are both scared. We are both fighting. We are both insane. I want them out but they need me, and I have the backbone of a chocolate eclair. So they stay and I hurt but at the very least, I will never be alone. </p><p>Pacing. Back and forth and back and forth and snow. The wet, and the cold, and the pain. Its funny how much it hurts walking around in the snow. How human it feels to hurt, when I am not human at all. An abomination to be put to the test and pushed to the limits. Not a person. Never a person.</p><p>My pacing slows to a trudge as the cold seeps into my bones and the wet sets my skin ablaze. My lighter side is tinted in red from the snow floating softly through the sky landing ever so gracefully upon it. I dont realize that I am on the ground and shaking until my eyes are drooping closed and I hear humming in the distance.</p><p>🦀🦀 TW OVER FOR NOW... :)    RECAP BELOW🦀🦀</p><p>(Recap— Ranboo wakes up after a nightmare and starts to have a panic attack. The voice in his head insists on using We instead of I and Ranboo questions his existence. Ranboo decides that they are both insane, and starts pacing in the snow. The snow hurts Ranboo because it is mostly water. Ranboo gets way to cold and passed out.) </p><p>Phil-</p><p>The second I leave the house something is off. I dont know what is wrong, but a sense of dread settles over me as I trudge my way through the snow. I feel like I should hurry, but I haven't the slightest clue why. When it started to snow, I should have turned back but something told me I couldn't stop. I shielded myself from the wind and kept going. </p><p>I just arrived at the first cliff I knew of in the area and looked around. I didnt expect to find him that easily, and it would appear my expectations were correct. There was no sign of life near these rocks, so I kept going. Humming as I moved along, I started the slow walk to the second cliffs. </p><p>The snow was staring to gather in small drifts, but the flakes were much farther between. As I hummed my tune I watched the snow stop and start to almost glow. The pale purple light of the coming night illuminated the shimmering white that swept across the wide fields and clung to the trees. Icicles had already started to form and harden on the rock face that guided me, their figures reflected the last of the sinking sun onto the rocks in a dazzling display of oranges and yellows. </p><p>My breathtaking surroundings were in stark contrast to what I found when I slipped around the corner to inspect the second set of cliffs. It was evident the space had been touched, but it seemed abandoned and cold. A tiny shack with no walls or floor sat against rock, containing only a bed, furnace, and a chest. To the side sat a farm, dying and sad. This had to be some sort of temporary camp. Perhaps something left behind by a traveler long ago.</p><p>I almost turned away and went on to the next cliffs. I thought that surely Ranboo had built a proper house. How could he, a child who can burn in the rain, live in this hut that offers no warmth or protection? So I planned to head for the next location. I started to turn on my heel when I heard a squeak. A tiny little sound that shouldn't have been heard against the deafening silence, but I heard it. </p><p>Naturally I had to look for the source of the sound. I braced myself for possible danger and took the first step into the little camp. I walked towards the drooping shelter, and almost gasped in surprise. Ranbun sat in the sad little home. Alone? If Ranbun was here, Ranboo would be too.. but where? </p><p>After the initial joy of finding Ranbun, and in turn Ranboo, my smile faded as I looked around once more. This.. This place is his home? His garden is one step from dead, and his shelter looked to be ready to collapse. I knew at that second that I would not be the only one leaving footprints in the direction of home. I decided to look for anything else that Ranboo might have built, and stumbled upon a figure laying in the snow. My breath hitched as my brain connected the dots. </p><p>🦀🦀🦀 TW HERE ALSO- RECAP AT <br/>THE END OF THIS SECTION🦀🦀🦀</p><p>Ranboo</p><p>Sleeping is all fine and great till your sleep is filled with cryptic, terrible discussions. My sleep is never peace filled, always screaming and scared. For some reason, I couldnt leave this time. I had gotten myself used to waking up at will when their words turned into bullets aimed directly at my brain. This time though, the wake up call refused to allow me an escape. So I slept, and I listened.</p><p>  WHY.      WE.        IT WILL BE ME.        LET ME OUT. <br/> YOU ARE THE PAWN.            WE WILL.       <br/>HELP<br/>         NO ONE WANTS A MONSTER LIKE YOU. <br/>TRAITOR.       WE.                  STUPID. <br/>   NAIVE.                   YOU DESTROYED IT. <br/>   HOW DARE YOU.                   PLEASE. </p><p>I cant do this, I cant take this. Please. Wake up just let me out. I try my hardest to seal my eyes and ears shut so I dont hear them. It hurts and I cant breath. Suddenly Im burning alive. It's freezing but my body is on fire but it feels good. The pain has become a close friend of mine. </p><p>There is a hand on my arm now, I feel it as I get pulled up and held on my feet. The cold is back now, and I finally feel the sting of that fire. It turns out pain is not so friendly when it hits all at once. My knees buckle and all I know is pain. </p><p>My eyes are filled with red tinted deaths of those like me, my ears ring with screams of agony that may be my own. I can smell death wafting off of myself as I drop towards the ground in slow motion. I can feel needles press into every molecule of my being and light themselves, like fireworks just waiting to rip me in shreds. I can taste the smoke running down my throat like liquid fire, filling my mouth and choking me on pure misery. I fall. </p><p>I fall, but before I can hit the ground softness and warmth grabs hold of me. My eyes finally clear, and my senses return to me. I find myself enveloped in feathers softer than I have even known and I sink into them like a cradle, knowing that these feathers are safe and warm and dry. </p><p>As I melt into the safety if these feathers, I hear a voice that seems so for away. That voice is suddenly near and talking to me. <br/>"Kid, kid please. Look at me, move, say something, please son. I cant lose another child. I cant. Cmon kid. Ranboo, please we need to get you help. Dont you dare die on me." </p><p>🦀🦀TW OVER! RECAP BELOW🦀🦀</p><p>(Recap- After Ranboo passed out he got stuck in his nightmares. Ranboo panics himself awake and is laying surrounded by and covered in snow. Snow hurts just like water. He doesn't really feel the pain, but Phil tries to help him up and the pain hits Ranboo all at once. Ranboo starts to fall but is caught by Philza's wings. He sees the wings as safety, and relaxed/melts. He then begins to actually hear Phil. The last paragraph is what phil says. It mentions death, but is most likely safe to read.) </p><p>✨Ha ha. How funny would it be if I ended here.. That would be so funny.. ha ha.. right? A shame😌</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Nah, I wouldnt do that to you.. Besides, I have Dadza angst to write :) </p><p>Phil- </p><p>That little shit. Why would he do that? He knows what water does, what snow does. Ive told him over and over no to get to cold but nooo. Of course he goes and lays in the snow and almost kills himself. As soon as my mind catches up to body I an pulling him up and out of the snow wrapping my wings around him like a cloak trying to provide warmth. </p><p>I pull Ranboo towards me and watch as his eyes snap open, his body tenses so violently I almost let go, and he lets out a scream that splits my soul down the middle. His hands raise to his ears and his knees buckle under the horrible screams. Ranboo’s scream will never be gone from my memory. I could hear the pain and panic in his desperate screaming, and as he screamed he clawed at himself, leaving scratches. I dont know who this is. This is not the Ranboo I know. </p><p>Well, maybe it is. The Ranboo I know is just a boy, a child that had no home and few allies. A boy who could be wronged and hurt, but not remember who pulled the trigger the next day. Ranboo is not human, but his nature is much more humane than so many of the others I had met. To see my child, my son, writhing and screaming in pure agony pulled my heart into strings and played it like a poorly designed harp.</p><p>I could hear the symphonies of confusion and panic and love in my chest turn into a single note of dread as Ranboo stilled. The silence became too loud when his body settled into my wings and his eyes fell closed. At that moment of nothingness, I would have preferred the screams. </p><p>"Ranboo? RANBOO! Wake up, wake up, wake up. Please! Come on. Kid, kid please. Look at me, move! Say something! Please son." When he doesn't stir I start pleading to the universe. "I cant lose another child. I CANT!" Then again, the universe hasn't been of much help to me before. I try to slow my breathing so I can be of some help if- no when  he wakes up. "Come on kid! Ranboo, please we need to get you help. Dont you dare die on me." </p><p>For a second, my breathing stills and I just listen. I listen to the almost silence, and hear small breaths being taken. In those breaths there is shakiness and fear, but there is life. In that moment its okay, everything is just a little bit more okay because he is alive and I can help. </p><p>I gently rub Ranboo's arm in hopes that he is awake, and to my surprise he lets out a soft groan. <br/>"Hey kid. It Phil, can you hear me?" <br/>Ranboo slowly responds to my words with a nod.<br/>"Okay, good job kid. Thank you. I need you to stand up for me okay? We are gonna go sit on the bed in there so I can help you. Stand up for me. Ill help you okay. 3, 2, 1, up" I lift Ranboo up and notice him leaning with me in an attempt to help. I wrap an arm around his shoulders and shield him with a wing, trying to give him support as we sloppily move towards the shelter. </p><p>Ranboo-</p><p>The voice I recognize as Phil's is telling me something but I cant quite make out the words. Suddenly Im being pushed upright and I lean with the push. Then Im sitting on something soft and the feathers are gone. I reach out to find the warmth and safety I had found in the feathers, but all I feel is cold. </p><p>"Hey kid, its okay. Im still here." The warmth was back and I opened my eyes to see Phil standing over me reaching out towards me. "Phil.?" I have to be sure that this is real and not some sick game they have created. "Its me, its Phil. Let me help you kid." </p><p>I sink into the softness of my bed and let Phil hand me potions and food. The cold slowly retreats from my joints as the healing liquids take their effect. Phil lets out a sigh of relief when my formerly pink skin returns to its normal pale white. My head clears with the pain, and I recognize that Phil is standing in my house looking like he had just been stabbed in the heart. </p><p>"Phil.. What are you doing here?" I had never shown Phil where I live, so how did he find me? <br/>"Saving you apparently.. Ranboo, what were you thinking! You could have died. If I didnt.. If Ranbun didnt make noise, I would have left you here alone. What even is this place? Did you get lost or something? Why.." </p><p>Oh.</p><p> So Phil was really mad.. I dont think I have ever heard him this angry before, and definitely not when that anger was directed at me. I just looked down at my hands as I felt tears well up in my eyes and trace down my face, stinging as they flowed. Phil paused his rant and froze mid sentence. </p><p>"Hey, whats wrong? Why are you crying?" He sounded so sincere, the anger had disappeared from his voice completely. "Im sorry, I didnt mean to scare you. You aren't supposed to be here.. I can.." His shoulders droop as he places a hand on my shoulder and crouches down to eye level. We make eye contact, and I squeeze my eyes shut and shake my head back and forth and opening my eyes again. I look at the ground, but feel Phil's eyes on me. He pauses and closes his eyes, allowing me to look up in confusion. </p><p>"Ranboo, you shouldn't be sorry. I know you didn't mean to scare me and you didn't mean for me to find you, but I am glad that I did. Ranboo, you could have died!" I hung my head again. "I.. I wasn't thinking, I just wanted to walk in the snow.. It feels weird." I hoped beyond anything that Phil would accept my lies as the truth. He didn't need to be burdened by my problems.</p><p>I watched carefully as Phil looked into my lie, and seemed to accept it. His wings twitched, and he removed the hand from my shoulder to wipe my tears away. I leaned into the touch I knew I could trust, and nodded as Phil stood. “Lets go home.”</p><p>Home? I am home.. Aren’t I? I have my bed and my furnace, my chests with everything I own and Ranbun in the corner. My little shack was enough for me, so why did I relax at the mention of going home? Was this really a home, or just a house? Home is supposed to be safe and warm right? Home is light and carefree and full of love, but if that is true... home couldn’t possibly be a location. </p><p>Phil-</p><p>“Lets go home.” I watched the gears in Ranboo’s head turn when I said that, but I was not leaving without him. Something clicked behind his eyes, and he stood and looked around him. I readied myself for some sort of argument but he turned towards me and nodded. “Okay Phil, show me home.” </p><p>I sighed in relief and helped Ranboo gather a few of his things. He glanced at Ranbun, then leaned down to scoop the little bunny into his hands. He held the  pet up to his head and touched their foreheads together, whispering something. Ranboo then gently placed the rabbit into his pant pocket and looked to me. “Im ready.” I nodded towards him, and turned to lead us home.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is the start of a bunch of one shots I am writing here and on Wattpad.</p><p>Thank you for reading, and feel free to make requests or suggestions! ✨</p></blockquote></div></div>
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